A Bummer of a Newsflash

the caywood newsdesk-- Bluebird, why hath thou forsaken us?

According to data from the Centers for Disease Control's Behavioral Risk Factor Surveillance System, New York ranks 51st on a state-by-state list of happiness. Does this mean our unhappiness goes to 11? Possibly. But it also means D.C. was included on the list, which they should be happy about, since the researchers evidently decided that taxation merits representation.

We're almost as unhappy to report that California ranks 46th on the list. I guess Empire and Golden-ness can't buy happiness after all. No, for that, you need a pelican.

To see where your favorite state lands, go here.

Community Voice: Battlestar Galactica

caywood--

From the Feb. 13, 2010 edition.

***

"A couple of us would like to know where we can learn how to line dance. We don't mean contra dancing like at Tioga Trails, we want line dancing."

Contra dancing is for sissies.

"I wonder who the person was that made the stupid comments about the battlestar galactica figurines and star wars trading cards. You mister are not funny at all. If you can't say anything constructive, then shut up!"

I knew Luke Skywalker. You, sir, are no Luke Skywalker.

"I want to comment on the suggestion by a pennysaver reader that the numbers be placed on top. I like where the numbers are right now because every time it says continue on page 9 or 10, you just look on the corner and it's right there. It makes it easy to find. Please keep the numbers the way they are."

The Pennysaver's pagination is a special part of my day that I look forward to! Don't move my cheese!

Exhibit B

caywood crime scene-- Let the record show that Exhibit B, a bag of salt-water taffy, was found torn open on the bed of one Bella T. Beagle, resident of Caywood Station. Said bag of taffy was last seen in tact on a high kitchen counter. Ms. Beagle's advanced age, timid manner, and arthritic condition provide her an easy alibi. Though she has been placed in the vicinity of the crime by eye witnesses, she is physically and tempermentally unable to climb upon the counter herself.

The prosecution contends that Ms. Beagle's well-known and voracious appetite for comestibles of even the most questionable origin motivated her to seek an accomplice in one Ms. Phoebe M. Feline, also of Caywood Station, a semi-professional provocateur often seen preening on said counter.

Exhibit A

caywood-- And isn't it true, Ms. Feline-- may we call you Phoebe?-- that you occasionally take time out from your busy schedule of hissing and clawing to chillax with your canine acquaintances?

Red Letter Days

caywood fire ring-- Four days of winter sun in one week? Meterologists project that the next year the Finger Lakes can expect a similar occurance is 2039*. Clearly, we needed to mark the occasion. A bonfire at sunset seemed the most appropriate celebration. It might please the sun gods. No photos available to post here. Sometimes you can't capture history. You just have to live it.


*not really

Fashion Week in Lodi

caywood station --

Community Voice: A Special Part of My Day That I Look Forward To

caywood--

Those of you who have spent much time around Caywood know that the Pennysaver is the only major newspaper offering home delivery to our hamlet. At first--and okay, still-- we bemoaned the absence of the New York Times (this being New York for god's sake), but for local news and entertainment, the Pennysaver has no equal. I'm not sure how intentional the "entertainment" is, but once you've spent a few days or weeks during which your biggest outing is a visit is to the compost pile,


you look forward to reading the weekly menu at The Golden Buck, clipping out the Dairy Princess's recipe for Cheddar Cheese Sour Cream Smoothies, and bearing witness to your community's cycle of life (Births, Obituaries) in between perusing the classifieds for a qualified deer butcher.

We've mentioned "Community Voice" before in this space but perhaps our citified readership would benefit from a bit more detail. The Community Voice feature invites the reader to "have your voice heard" by emailing comments to the Pennysaver, which then compiles them into a column. The Pennysaver reserves the right to revise or reject any comment, but it's evident that it never does. Part Opinions page, part telephone party line, part never ending bitch session, there is no issue too small to find its soapbox in Community Voice:

I have noticed that ever since the economic times have gotten tougher, that area stores are becoming stingier with the icing they are putting on baked goods. For me, I buy bakery items because they are delicious and the icing is my favorite part. It is not the only thing I eat, but rather it is a special part of my day that I look forward to. Please return to full portions of icing on baked goods, even if you have to charge a little more. (Dec. 5, 2008)

So if you are wondering why the holiday treats you receive from us are a bit top heavy with frosting, now you know. We have an irate neighbor to appease.